Staying away from family due to career or due to privacy after marriage may be the choice of many youth and a compulsion for many. In such a situation, there is a need to know the real reason. Rahul and Reema have been friends for many years. This friendship has now progressed a lot and is about to turn into a relationship, which is marriage. Both their parents also agree to this, but Rahul is a little stressed. He wants to express his feelings to Reema but is unable to muster the courage. The reason for this is Reema's plan to live separately from Rahul's parents after marriage. Rahul loves his parents very much. Since he is the only one, his parents also want Rahul to live with them after marriage. His mother has expressed her wish many times that she will not let him live apart from her and this is the reason for Rahul's worry or should we say, problem.
On the other hand, barely a year has passed since Kapil and Kavita's marriage and their relationship is on the verge of breaking. Kavita and her mother-in-law are not getting along and quarrel every day. Although Kavita tried her best to ensure that her relationship with Kapil's parents remained good and everyone lived together in the house, despite her best efforts, this could not happen. Kapil feels trapped in the middle. Now the situation has reached such a stage that Kavita has given an ultimatum to Kapil that he has to stay apart. Although both cases are separate and no one is at fault, this can be the story of most families. Somewhere it arises due to circumstances and somewhere such circumstances are created. Now if this happens then it becomes important to know why it happens and how to correct it.
Western and Indian concepts of family and career
If we look towards the West, the concept of home, family, and career is different there and our concept and values are different. Young people in the West pursue careers and live in the same city or away from their parents. Parents also do not have any objection or problem. There is a belief among the youth that if they live in the same house under the same roof, they will not be able to get the privacy and freedom that they would get if they lived in a separate house. Parents also give children the freedom to live careers and personal lives in their way. Therefore, there is less scope for family disputes or disagreements in relationships, but here it is exactly the opposite.
On the contrary, when the child is young, after completing his studies, when he gets a job, the parents put pressure on him for marriage and only after marriage, it is assumed that the girl who comes to the house will take care of the family. Will do it and will live in this house. She will leave the house only if there is a conflict with the boy's parents. But times are changing rapidly. Now Indian youth have also started living separately from their parents with family consent. Even some parents now allow their children to live separately from them. Not only do they give permission, but also help them in every way.
Do not be forced to decide to live separately happily.
In metropolitan cities, many parents give their children a separate house in their society or nearby, so that the children can live as per their wish and there are no restrictions or privacy problems for them. Parents are happy and children are also happy! But this is very rare, in most cases, issues like family discord, privacy, independence, household expenses, and sociality, etc. are the basis. Sometimes the decision to live separately from parents is taken happily and sometimes out of compulsion. Where this decision is taken happily, it has many benefits and where it is done out of compulsion, it has many disadvantages!
One or two-room flat and have to live with mother-in-law and father-in-law after marriage. Finding space for yourself, wearing clothes of your choice, coming and going with friends, everything is not easy and simple. Despite there being no restrictions from the in-laws' side, many restrictions and formalities have to be followed. The rules and regulations of the parents also play their role in this. Now if there is coordination among all these then it is good, otherwise, gradually these become the cause of discord. But if both the boy and the girl work and the parents are also physically and financially healthy, then there is no harm in living separately.
Make space for yourself in the family
Nowadays, digital media has reduced distances to devices. Then if children live happily in the same city or society, then what is the harm? In a way, this is an issue of personal thinking and need and there is a need to think about it from this perspective. After all, when the baby birds grow up and learn to fly and feed, they also make their own new nest. Then a human being is a human being, he has the experience of happiness and sorrow and relationships. Therefore, decisions should be taken according to who needs what and when.
Yes, your parents have put in everything to get you here, and they will do everything for your happiness in the future too. If they need your company, then both of you are responsible for maintaining the balance. Create space for yourself while smiling and also give space to those who need it, who can stop happiness?
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Ask them for help first
Consultant psychologist Sakshi Gupta says, staying away from parents for marriage or career does not mean less attachment towards them. Family relationships can remain strong even while living apart. Young people can keep their career as well as family relationships strong through phone calls, video chat, or if possible, meetings. Strike a balance between your parents and your priorities. Whenever needed, first ask for advice from parents. Share achievements related to career or personal life. Choose a life partner who gives importance to family. Expressing gratitude towards your parents also strengthens relationships, even if you are far away.
The right balance in every relationship
Sociologist Dr. Srishti says, living separately from parents in the same city is not a bad thing. This gives children their own space and freedom, which is ultimately needed today to build healthy social relationships free from toxicity in relationships. Old age is a sensitive stage of life, which creates a sense of belonging in the parents both emotionally and physically. But if both the parties want to separate with mutual consent then there is nothing wrong with it. Remember, career success and family relationships can remain one. It is up to the youth to find the balancing solution that is right for them.
(PC: Freepik)
